Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
