i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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