I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
