i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I die, sorry about rent.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
