What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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