??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there is puke in my bra ... again
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