she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
