I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
