Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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