Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
