he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
