If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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