dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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