is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize