did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
