At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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