He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
