im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
