Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
