Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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