Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
