I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
