No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
