oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
