i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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