jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
