I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
