Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
