WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
