AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
