I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
