Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
