Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize