Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
