Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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