They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
