Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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