if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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