He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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