matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You are the jesus of drinking
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
