it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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