worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
