I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize