No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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