i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
