I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
