He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
