i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
