I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i think i just lost a toe
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
