Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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