I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
