At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
