You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
