Sry I called you an 8
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
