I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
