You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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