so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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