the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
