You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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