So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
