I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
