it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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