Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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