I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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