i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
